Friday, May 15, 2009 @ 7:28 PM
full of bullshit.
hello everyone.
no more studying.
*until tmrw,that is.
yes,mid-years are over.
*relieved.
now to the normal.
i failed physics.
yes,fucking failed it.
only i know how down i feel right now.
after everything.
after studying so hard.
after trying to understand.
after teaching people.
after people teaching me.
i failed.
got an
E8.
whoa.
brilliant,isnt it?
how awesome.
how totally great.
and ________,said i didnt even
put in my effort,and i did it anyhow.
hello,how would you know that i didnt
put in my effort?did you ever see me
not studying it or actually watching
tv/playing computer games/having
second cca?i didnt,did i?yes,when
you told me,i was so sad.as in,just
because my fucking brain couldnt
absorb any fucking information and
cant answer your fucking questions,
does that mean,i didnt put in any
effort?if i didnt put in any effort,
i would admit it right?i know i didnt
improve,did you HAVE TO RUB IT IN MY
FACE?!?!?!?
yes,i was making jokes and laughing,
because trust me,if i didnt do that,
i would have started crying that absolute
second.
is it my fault that i cant understand
anything neither can i apply whatever
i learnt?
is it my fault that god probably wanted
to punish me for some fucking sin i
did last time,and made sure i didnt pass?
is it my fault that my luck has been down
recently?
is it my fault,that,that i realised im probably
stupid?
*sidetrack:
IM STILL FAT FAT FAT FAT !
and obviously,ugly on the whole.
back to main point:*
i realised,
i always never did well for any subjects.
never got more than a c for my subjects.
never felt happiness when i received results.
never had a smile on my face when i saw my grade.
never congratulated myself,WELL DONE,SHAMIMAH..
never went home with a smile and told my mum.
never saw a "very-good" look on my mum's face.
never saw me doing better than my friends.
never saw my friends,saying,"i am happy for you!".
never experienced the after gift of hardwork.
never saw any teacher saying i improved.
never heard any teacher said,the highest is shamimah.
why?
but,i realised,
i always fail or get a c.
always take my results with a sober face.
always never had a lighted face after seeing the marks.
always never had the pleasure of hard-work being paid off.
always see the teacher shaking his/her head,
always see my mom with the "questioning-look".
always see my dad with his,"do better next time".
always see friends getting better than me.
always see im a failure.
whats next?
flunk english?
get a C for bio?
get another C for combined humanities?
i wanted to get a lesser l1r5 grade for mye.
but no.
"fat hope,SHAMIMAH!".
people always say,
you cant always have a bed of roses?
there is bound to be a bed of thorns and everyone
has failures,sadness now and then.its time to pick
up,move on and enjoy life.take hold of problems and
you will shine.
FUCKING BULLSHIT.
ANYONE EVER REALISED I NEVER EVER HAD A BED OF ROSES?
I AM ALWAYS SOMEHOW SAD,ANGRY OR PLAIN FUCKED UP.
I AM ALRDY HAVING A SUPER LOW SELF-ESTEEM.
AND NOW this.
THANK YOU _________.for telling me.
THANK YOU GOD.for twisting fate.
THANK YOU BRAIN.for failing me.
THANK YOU SHAMIMAH.for being a total dumb.
not just physics.
chemistry,
total heart-ache.
i got a fucking C6.
how i love my brain.
my fantastically fucking stupid BRAIN.
what a beautiful place.
filled with love/hope/peace/safety.
so serene and full of solititude.
how i wish i was there now.
with my best friend.
with my brothers/sisters.
with my family.
with my *meant to be.
*
EH WAIT.
HAHAHHAHHAA.*SACARSTIC.
HOW STUPID.
HOW CAN I GET A MEANT TO BE?
IM ASKING too much.-.-
AND YOU FEEL LIKE ,
you are the center of the world.
you are the best.
you love yourself.
and its you.
and somehow,you feel.
EARTH,
the best place to live,nurture,love and grow.
i wish i was there,to escape feeling
a four-letter-word,PAIN.
beautiful.
okay,
p/s:
MALAYSIA GOT SWINE FLU ALREADY !!!!!!!!!!
OH MY GOD.
I WONDER HOW LONG ITS GOING TO TAKE FOR IT TO REACH SINGAPORE.
I MEAN,LIKE HELLO,ITS AIR-BORNE?
IM SCARED.
YES,I WANTED DEATH.
BUT HEY,SOMEHOW NOT LIKE THIS.
OMG.
SWINE FLU SUCKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IM GLAD MY BEST FRIEND IS A PARROT.
AND NOT A PIG.
OH,ILY.
PSS/somehow im glad i met you.
but yes,we arent meant to be.
in photos,trust me,editing does wonders.
but in real life,thats how i look.
dont be too shocked,find another girl.
psss/ AND NO PARTHIBAN.NO SUCH THING AS
PRINCE CHARMING.ESPECIALLY FOR ME.
YOU GO ENJOY OKAY.WITH YOUR PRINCESS.
I LOVE YOU BROTHER.(:
how sweet.
if only.
STOP DREAMING SHAMIMAH!
take care,readers.
Labels: atrocious life.
