Thursday, December 31, 2009 @ 10:49 AM
just less than 24 hrs to 2010.
in a foul mood now.its unfair that im unable to go to a bloody countdown.
my mother is so nice to let me go.
its my father.
damnnn.
sad life i have.
never able to enjoy.
its not like as if i've been out the whole time since o'levels ended.
its not like as if i always ask for the damned money.
i never did ask for money.
dont give,its not my problem.
i can starve,at least lose some fats.
bloody hell.
the blame always comes back to me.
and of everthing,what happen yesterday,
was like a bloody slap to my face.
oh well.
not going to care anymore.
no point wasting my tears and
practically everything else.
just going to live my life.
happy new year,everyone!
lets just hope that 2010 will be a better year for me.
speaking of 2010,reminds me of results.
grr.
):
i realise im an emotional person.
which
Labels: no life.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009 @ 7:22 PM
im not afraid of anything.
i have no idea why,
i still care.i still bother.i still think.
things just change abit too fast.just too
fast-moving for my pace.and im left behind.
all the time.its either me or them.never
ever play with me because again,im human.
how i wish i was in another world where all
i can do is to forget you,rather than learning
to trust and then falling over the edge,
all over again.
and now im wondering,
if my name ever crosses your mind?
do you ever feel the guilt?
do you ever wish i was there?
do you ever missed me?
do you ever,
ever realised you were my
everything?
Labels: how does it feel?
@ 11:07 AM
freak out or just let it go.
gosh.this is like so irritating.
why do i have to be sooo bored?!
i have no plans for today.
im suppose to have a fun day out.
but guess whattt?!
im trapped at home,in comparison
to a bird trapped in a cage.
GOSH!
after olevels,
and im trapped.
okay maybe not as bad as my friend,who is 19 years old,
but still gets scolding for hanging out late at home
yesterday.
and bad enough,
i have no more work this week.
all free!
and im only unavailable from thursday onwards.
LIKE DAMN!
*sticks out tongue.
no one can say anything to that!
:D
hais.
sad.
gonna stick my head at the computer for
god knows how many hours.
shitty!
and omg omg omg.
another 24 hrs time,
okay almost there la.
its going to be another year altogether!
thats like ohhh so fast.
\
and thomas,giving me heart attack early in the mrng,
telling me next friday results coming out.
grrr.
):
sad life.
i dont know where im going to go in 2010.
lets just
Labels: slipped away.
Monday, December 28, 2009 @ 6:30 PM
i bet on it.
trust me.
never,will i trust you again.
Labels: swore.
@ 10:34 AM
im going to live my life.
when life gives you lemon,you
bloody hell give lemonade back,man!
thats it.
never am i ever going to cry for you anymore.
you were ONCE everything to me.
but after what you did,i guess i was just a
nothing to you.
all things happen for a reason.
fuck it.
i dont care about you anymore.
hear that??!?!!
okay,actually,i will.
but never will i show it to you.
damn it.
i dont care about anyone in my life anymore.
i am going to live it like my own.
when im happy,im happy.
when im sad,im sad.
it depends on me whether im going to change that.
i like this particular para from one of avril's songs:
so,who knows what could happen?
do what you do,just keep on laughing.
one things' true,there is always a brand new day.
so,you go and make it happen.
do your best,just keep on laughing.
blah blah,
then it continues.
its true.
its my motto now.
i will smile like a fool whenevr i want.
i will cry like an ass whenevr i want as well.
i am just going to make myself stronger.
i hate it when people make use of me.
and when you do that,fuck it.
trust me,no one would ever make use of me again.
i wont allow it.
told you,
NOTHING LASTS FOREVER.
3 years of friendship went down to ashes.
i guess,
thats life.
what goes around,
would come back around.
Sunday, December 27, 2009 @ 12:29 PM
throwing darts is god's profession.
gosh.fuck it man.whenever i try to be happy for the sake of people,
some one comes and stir it up.
omg.
i was soooooooooooooo angry.
and wasted my fucking tears on someone who wasnt worth it
at all.
and no,even parthiban went mood-out after hearing that.
like god-damn.
why must such things only happen to me?
and fuck it la.
im going MIA.
like for real this time.
seriously.
i just cant face this world anymore.
and yes,
im sorry madhavi.
i just cant be happy like how you wanted me to.
i dont have anything with me.
im nothing.
trust me on that.
the pain i inflict on myself
is wonderful.
for the only reason is that,
the pain is only concentrated at one particular area.
then clouding up my entire body.
i cant take it anymore.
i really cant.
im getting sick and tired of everything.
wanted to smile genuinely for once.
but god seems to be throwing darts from every direction.
and,i cant seem to dodge it with a smile on my face.
it feels like im getting hit at every part of my life.
Labels: getting hit is my profession.
Monday, December 21, 2009 @ 6:39 PM
sinful indulgence. ):
it sucks,really sucks,
when you are on an important diet,(a serious one,that is),
and a fucking small bar of chocolate
or even famous amos spoils it all!
it will just be sitting down in my kitchen table.
and i will walk pass.
damn.
after seeing it,i remind myself that im on a strict diet,
and i turn back.
i spend my time walking around like a lunatic in the hall.
to realise all i ever think about for that awful 30 or more
seconds,is that damn sinful chocolate!
and sadly,
i go and eat and start to indulge in it.
and then,
i start to feel so guilty that i wish i could fucking stop eating.
for god's sake!
im like sooooooooooooooooo fat larhhhhhhhh!
):
Sunday, December 20, 2009 @ 10:15 AM
just because you sms me doesnt mean you care.because i know that i was never important to you.
because you are never to me what you are to others.
i realise lots of people are leaving me because
i guess,i just am a fucked up person.
a really big fucked up idiot.
i want to be happy.
or maybe i just want to please people
so that they wont be so much in suffering
just for me to be happy.
but,i dont know where to start.
maybe i would be happy if i just die.
maybe.
i have nothing in this world.
not even you.
Saturday, December 19, 2009 @ 9:35 AM
i am so fucking stupid to do that yesterday.i hate yesterday and i hate myself.
got even more scolding from dad and mum.
mum even asked me to leave her alone.
i dont think she cares if i die or something.
i dont think anyone would.
head hurts alot as well.
look like something might just protrude out of it.
i dont know la.
dont care either.
Thursday, December 17, 2009 @ 6:42 PM
because i had a bad day.
oh my god.i cant believe u did that.
cried all the way hme.
just like how once i cried after getting results.
some stupid man asked me if i was okay.
and i said no.
and fell down otw home,because cant see clearly.
and fuck it,i look even uglier now with a big
swollen head.
going to go doctor tomorrow.
came home with really really red and swollen eyes.
got huge huge huge huge scolding from dad.
and now,
i feel like dying.
MIA.
dont sms or call me.
i wont pick up nor answer.
unless,
i believe you can help.
i so
fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking
fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking
fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking
fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking
fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking
fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking
fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking
fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking
fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking
fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking
fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking
fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking
fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking
fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking
fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking
fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking
HATE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my head really hurts.
i feel like crying.
hope i just die with a blood clot
in my brain.
i dont know whats happening to me.
everything seems to backfall.
fuck.
Labels: ):
Wednesday, December 16, 2009 @ 7:39 PM
when all you could see,was the beauty.
irritated at start,tired in the middle and fun at the end.thats my day today.
(:
i spent it with the right person today to make me full of smiles.
im just sad.
everything i know about breaking hearts,
i learnt it from you.
i was on my computer looking around,
came across some pictures and a couple
of conversations we had together.
it kind had me reminiscing back to where
things were abit different,right before you
let me go,cause even though we had to finish,
it was worth getting that heart broke,cause i
aint never had that feelings before.and i didnt
get to say it before everything end,and even
though its forever goodbye,i want you to know
that you are my favourite.and though i've cried,
im not gonna lie,
im always here for you.
and,you will always be mine.
):
what to do.
im fucking nonsensitical.
having dreams that aint gonna come true.
and i hate it,because im breaking down everynight.
but there is no one out there.
no one.
Labels: im afraid to say.
Monday, December 14, 2009 @ 12:39 PM
(:
im crazy.i was watching a tamil movie,
alai payuthey.
i cry so much during the movie.
and i mean,alot.
and then,at the end,
i start smiling like an idiot and clap my hands.
oh god,im going bonkers.
Sunday, December 13, 2009 @ 7:20 PM
i think thats it.im breaking down.
and i hate it.
oh,dont try contacting me.
i wont reply or anything.
blame it on god or whatsoever.
its just fate.
wait.
just blame it on me.
i dont know why im like that.
Thursday, December 10, 2009 @ 6:41 PM
waiting for that day.
fuck you.
i would rather live in hell than be alive.
and its obvious,
you hate me.
come on,
secrets are rarely kept on earth,stupid.
):
its just sad.
i dont know whats wrong with me.
oh.my.god.
i really really dont know.
MIA for awhile.
editteddd///
i think i need a pep-talk.
anyone?
Labels: hard times.
Sunday, December 6, 2009 @ 2:41 PM
the light that shines through.
hello people.
i am feeling so lethargic.
gosh. :/
well,yesterday was saturday,aint it?
so,woke up,got ready and went to meet yunkhim.
went causeway with her,and had so much fun!
met up with surya as well,and we went to take
neoprints.haha.it was damn fun lah.then,accompanied
yunkhim for her lunch and off to pasir ris.
reached chalet and met up with marcus/fiona/aaron/bryan/huida
and edwin.all walked back to the chalet and saw eunice and
xinying.said our hellos and started watching dramas.around 6/7,
walked to the bbq pit and started our fire and bbq-ing all our
food.
had fun bbq-ing,and talking.and then,it was raining.haha.
we were holding black trash bags and cooking food.gosh,we all
were such clever people.haha.
then ate a bit bit,and started to bbq the prawns,sotongs and
stingray.
"oh.my.god".
MARCUS,YOU GENIUS LAHHHH!
haha.
and his uncle is even better.
a million thanks,man.
i loved the food siaaaa!
especially the seafood.
yums.
reached hme at 12.30am.
immediately went to sleep.
heh.
woke up around 9 today.
and realised i cant go out.
got pissed abit.
but then,got okay after a while.
did housework and stuff.
and i am starting work this week!
yey!
i want money mannnnnnnnn!
:D
but i scared sia.
somemore,surya just called me.
shitshitshit.
*cross fingers.
please lehhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
):
editted///////////////
gosh.so damn confusing.
and im soooo angry/pissed/sad/scared.
aarghhhh.
why me?
why not someone else?
lucky its only for 1 and a half weeks.
if not,i think i would just die.
):
damn it.
and of all places,why there?!!!!?!?!?!?
*cries.
Labels: class bbq.
Friday, December 4, 2009 @ 10:17 AM
because there i go,falling right through that hole.
hello.as usual,i was just sitting down and thinking.
and thinking.and thinking.of so many things that
it almost made me go mad.
and there,there was this phonecall.
and all of a sudden,everything was crystal clear.
just like that.
maybe it was because my heart spoke,rather than
me carefully thinking of what to reply for every
single question.
and then of course,
i lost my sleep.
and am sitting here with swollen eyes.
tsk.
what to do.
*shakes head.
and so,i was continuing my job of thinking.
and i realise i would want to blog abt this
one day.and i wanted the one day to be today.
i realise i am talking crap.
anyway,
this is actually my post to thank everyone who has been
in my life at greenridge.as in,seriously.
we all have changed,and all of were together for 2 years.
its a long time,you know!
(aiya,fuck it man.for all i care,if you guys arent appreciative.)
okay,its no order.
no chronological shit or anything.
it just starts and end alright.
doesnt mean,the last person is the one i like lesser or whatever.
unless you want to think that way,then think.
i dont care.
okay,actually it has an order.
it has an order of whose photo appears in my folder first.
and whoever photo appears first,i click and start.
(:
okayy.
#1.
ps/dont ask me how come her photo is usually first.
got alot of her face in my computer.HAHA. :D
ms surya boom.
three words,for you,
I LOVE YOUUUUU.
oops,i forgot to add the bitch.
HAHA.
thanks for everything.(:
#2.
HAHAHA.this one also lah,always on my computer photos.
ms r.vino,
i would like to say thank you for entering my life.
i have to admit,i never fancied you at first.
but then,i realise as time goes by,i really liked you
and you are such a good friend to me.i would love to
see you happy and i know you are making a great effort
to see me more optimistic.*cough,i would try alrights.
i really love you as my own now.
and i hope to see our friendship grow. :D
#3.
okay pardon me.
i cant find a photo with only her inside.
actually i have alot,but im sure she would kill me if she saw that on net.
and i dont really want to die in her hands.
alright,miss chua,
thanks for everything.
seriously.
i think you are one of the most treasured friends of my life.
i would never want to stop being friends with you.
and if you realise,you were the only one who could make me laugh
whenever i was sad or whenever i was messaging you.
i know sometimes i make fun of you and i might have made you
angry or real sad,but i dont mean it.
you were always important to me,and my memories are usually filled
by you.i hope you and i would be good friends forever and i would
never want to forget you.
love you so muchhhh,best friend.
to me,i think you are wonderful and you would go far.
i have no idea whats your ambition,but if you becoming a teacher,
lets hope and see for us to meet each other somewhere alrights! (:
#4.
this is one of my favourite photos of her.
okay miss maple,
thank you.
for everything you have done for me.
i would never forget the days in the toilet,all the after-exam tears
and even the day i cried on your shoulder.though,sometimes i was
ignored,you were always there,making sure i was still strong and
same.and i have to say sorry,if i wasnt the best friend you wanted.
i dont think i was a very good friend to you,but you do mean alot to me.
if anything were to happen to you,i would feel and think for you.
though,i would never show it.what to do,im that kind.though,recently,
i have no idea what kind of problems you have,because you rarely tell me,
but i want you to be you.and im sure there is someone else better for you
out there.you are beautiful and you are one of the most kindest person i
have known.i realise there are many others out there who loves you more
than me,but no matter what,i would never stop treating you as my best friend.
and,go for your dreams okay.im sure to see doctor madhavi one day.and im proud
to have a friend like you.
i love you.(:
#5.
heyhey pretty one!(:
ms lohloh,
i would like to say a big thank you to you.
i have realised how much you have helped me during my worst days.
you were trying to cheer me up and never would i forget everything
you have done to advice and make me smile.thank you,eunice.trust me,
without you in class,is like without an important person.i dont know
how to explain how much of difference you made in my life and i hope
you would always be happy.you are such a smart girl,and so,go for your
dreams alright.and stay strong as well.and heard you were attached,that
guy is real lucky.HAHA.im gonna miss all your funny nonsense,eunice loh!
(:
and i guess,until i grow up,i would never stop calling you lohloh.
HAHA.
#6.
ms ross.
haha.
okay,this is from the bottom of my heart.
you are the sweetest person i have met in sec 3 and 4.
and whenever i needed someone to talk to,aboutt that someone,
i remembered you were always there for me,and that you always
somehow made me feel better.though we arent that close,i always
wished you were one of my closest friends.haha.well,actually now
you are.i wish you all the best in your life and love life as well.
haha.and we have to go out soon alrights?
stay happy and cheerful as always,atiq.i love you.(:
#7.
miss hui weilin.(:
this woman here,has really touched my heart,
the gift she gave me on graduation really really made me cry.
she was one of the rare ones who showed me that she really
cared and appreciated me for whatever i did.i was really touched
and i would like to say sorry for all the times i complained that
i didnt want to go to certain places with you.i realised my mistake
now and to me,now you are a precious gem.and dont worry,little one,
you would definetely get someone who would love you and gosh,you would
definetely achieve your utmost impt dreams.trust me,i believe in you like
no one had.haha.i love you so much and i hope to go out with you sooon!!!
#8.
and then,there is this little angel.
IMAN!
i miss her so much.
she has always made my days worthwhile to spend it with her.
she always had the ability to make me smile and laugh.
she was one of the most important people in my life and she
still is.im sure you would do well for your olevels,babe.
trust me,because i have the believe in you.always listen to
yourself alrights,and oh,dont care if people said you were
extra thin or whatsoever,because to me,you are just nice.
(:
i love you babe,and waiting to go out with youuu!(:
#9.
sameeen! (:
okay,firsly,
i love this girl right here.
i do remember that i spent so much time with her at biology lab and
we told each other so much stuff.and she was always ready to part
her advices to me as well.after her,i realised how fortunate i was.
thank you so much sameen for everything you have done for me and im
awfully grateful,babe.and im waiting for our outing!love you,darl. (:
take good care of yourself,and you are immensely clever.do well in
life,alrights? (:
#10.
aiyo.act cute siah,sng!
okayyyyyy,
million thanks to you for being my friend.i do think that you were
one of the most encouraging friend i have ever met.i really appreciate
it,serious.you made a big difference in my life and you were always the
one who lifted up my spirits after stupid downfalls.thanks for your
never-ending encouragement and your stupid but always funny jokes.and guess
what,because of you,only my SEX knowledge grew.awwhhh,arent you proud?HAHAH!
i hope to be friends with you forever mannnn!
okay,these are some of the most important people in my life.
but im getting super lazy now,and im rushing out for some
very important errands.
anyway,whoever is important in my life,would know it themselves.
because,i practically rant to it about them everyday.
haha.
okay.
this post wasnt just to get all your thank you's and stuff.
was written whole-heartedly.
and so,if you cant appreciate it,please do not tag.
thank youuuuuu.
i really got to go.
takecare.
have a great day,people.
Labels: gems.
Thursday, December 3, 2009 @ 4:36 PM
finding a place in this world.
hello.im just plain tired.
gosh.
i just went bonkers yesterday.
i would be waiting for your call.
i aint going to sleep tonight.
just for you.
aiya,fuck it man.
i already said there is obviously
no one out there for me.
so,why would you want me to dream?
whats the point?
it will definetely be something
which would not come true.
even a guy like him,
didnt want me,what makes u
think others would?
Labels: something about the way you love.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009 @ 10:06 PM
fucking stupid aint i?
its just my fate,that im so stupid.
that i cant be a perfect friend.
that i cant keep my mouth shut.
that i can never be the understanding one.
that i can never give good advice.
and i think i should just be alone la.
not with any friend or whatsoever.
because all i ever do is make them angry.
what to do?
my fate what.
Labels: fated.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009 @ 8:13 PM
i do believe that two is better than one.
im genuinely happy.
from the bottom of my heart.
cant wait for tomorrow.
*fingers kept crossed.
and i have made my decision.
im gonna stone myself.
trust me,not going to let anyone
in,to give high hopes and let
me down just like how someone
did and left me fucking broken.
never again.
and trust me,i would never get someone
i want as well.
so why,yearn,want,try,believe?
my say.
if you love something,
let it go.
if it comes back to you,its yours.
if it doesnt,
it just never was.
old quote.
but meaningful one.
(:
have a nice day people.
Labels: what would i do without you.
@ 10:20 AM
thats the way we were meant to be.
someone,put a fullstop to this boredom.
thank you.
Labels: boriiing.
